It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written anything.
And that sucks because writing, even if second-rate, is my only skill.
In technical terms, it’s called writer’s block. Mix it with a heavy dose of anxiety and a splash of depression, and you’ve got yourself a sinister little cocktail of frustration that smells like failure and tastes like bullshit.
In today’s troll-driven world, the usual reaction to this on social media would be a series of mediocre white men of all ages aping the same arrogant insult: “Learn to code!” Which is interesting because none of the people that sling that insult actually know how to code, or even what it actually means.
Most such trolls cut lawns for a living or do something less useful and more disreputable like work in finance, peddle usurious mortgages, or are the CEO of Tesla.
Anyway, writer’s block sucks. Every time I walk past my computer, I feel guilty. The keyboard glares at me with contempt. Nothing comes. No words, no ideas, no story. It’s as if there’s a thick haze or impenetrable mist in my brain that simply will not burn away.
I promised myself I’d have a fully formed first draft of my novel by June, and that looks unlikely at this point. I don’t actually believe in the concept of The Muse, but if I did I’d say she’s a selfish, mercurial bitch. And she’d say I’m a lazy, talentless dunce that should learn to code.
Maybe we’re both right.
Some people claim that there’s a woman to blame
But I know it’s my own damn fault
One trick that’s occasionally worked for me in the past is to write emails and essays. Sort of like a warm-up or stretching. Just being at the keyboard, assembling words into sentences, sentences in paragraphs, and paragraphs into a semi-literate slop of thoughts can be helpful. So here we are. Keep in mind, please, that I write these essays for myself and if anyone else reads them, much less enjoys them, that’s an added bonus.
Today’s newsletter is going to be a radical departure from the past couple of dozen. The same low quality, crude language, and addled thinking will remain, but the style and structure will be more of a grab bag of thoughts. I guess it’s really just a bunch of shit that’s been on my broken, sad adolescent mind lately. Completely random. I’m sorry.
I’ve stopped getting stoned, for now, because I am trying to drop 15lbs. Edibles are a miracle drug when I am feeling low – gelatinous weed improves my mood like nothing else, even in this tragic political era, and they also put me into a restful sleep. The problem is, I am unable to stave off The Munchies when stoned. Gummies make me want to eat everything in the kitchen, including the refrigerator itself, and no trick has been effective in preventing such hunger. My stoned brain can justify eating anything, and that seeped into my sober brain justifying doing the same. I’d stopped getting high at night before my shoulder surgery last August, but after Trump returned in January, I went back to the one thing that helped my angry, sad moods wrought by this tidal wave of ignorant fascism on speed. Things are obviously even worse than they were when he returned to the White House four months ago, but my pants got tighter and my self-worth was battered.
So now, I am raw-dogging life. I’m fully back to my thrice-weekly gym routine, nearly at the same weights as before my shoulder got fucked up. I do heavy walking on off days. So that’s a positive. I’m down 5lbs already, and should be back at my target weight, shape, and feeling in a month or six weeks. Still, I’d sacrifice every member of the ruling class into a live volcano for a Donatos Pizza.
Fingers crossed that the Trump regime is deposed this summer so that this doesn’t become a cycle for me. This isn’t easy at age 50 (and 51 next month). I also need to drop weight to lower my A1C because I’m due for my third colonoscopy and having high blood sugar fucks with the anesthetic portion of the procedure. It can jack up your glucose to dangerous levels. When I got into my peak physical shape in summer 2023, my A1C was normal, and I never felt or looked better. I know it’s a reachable goal.
Apologies that this sounds like an AARP junk mailer. Onto the good stuff.
J.D. Vance apparently killed the pope. And that’s how I learned there is a history of Horny Popes.
The Cleveland Browns, my hometown NFL team, drafted quarterback Shedeur Sanders in the fifth round of the draft last month because of course they did. The Browns cannot exist without drama, controversy, and mind-melting bullshit. They drafted a lesser-rated passer before Sanders, traded previously for a mediocre quarterback, and signed free-agent Joe Flacco, who is, like, 70 years old. Keep in mind, the Browns also still have washed-up, vastly overpaid sexpest QB Deshaun Watson on the roster even if he is unable to ever play again because of a double-blown Achilles heel. Naturally, Trump inserted himself into the Sanders situation. Cleveland’s dipshit owner is full MAGA and wants public dollars to finance a new stadium outside of Cleveland. The Browns reflect America – a dramatic self-inflicted hysterical mess of disappointment, crimes, and failure.
UPDATE: I forgot Trump has a history of promoting quarterbacks for the Browns. Weirdo.
Speaking of NFL bullshit, the District of Columbia is going to give the privately-owned Washington Commanders $1.1 billion toward the nearly $4 billion cost of a new stadium. Which is insane since we have more than 30 years of evidence that public dollars for stadiums and arenas is bad public policy. It’s right-wing socialism, subsidizing the ruling class’ playthings while the profits are kept private. These projects always tout bullshit economic development projections that never come true. They simply enrich the already wealthy at the expense of the public. That money could be used to improve people’s lives instead of padding the nests of oligarchs. But we all love football, so we let it slide. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Oh, and in other NFL news, Bill Belichick, 73, and his 24-year-old girlfriend are in the news.
My film student son, who is finishing up his freshman year at Detroit’s College for Creative Studies, and his buddies got an intimate group-setting chat recently with iconic director Francis Ford Coppola. That came a few days after I saw a showing of “Apocalypse Now: The Final Cut” (my second fav movie after “Blade Runner”) at The Henry Ford’s big-screen theater, which was followed two days later by Coppola doing a sit-down at the museum for about 800 guests. He went off on odd, wonderful tangents in what was supposed to be him explaining how and why he made the batshit “Megalopolis” last year. Coppola, 86 and feisty, at one point explained how civilization developed because of the different ways men and women piss in nature. Squatting versus standing. Really. It was a great evening. And if you see “Megalopolis” knowing it’s totally bonkers, you’ll enjoy it.
Trump’s incredible unpopularity destroyed Canada’s Conservative Party’s bid for the premiership and control of parliament. A few months ago, the Conservatives were an overwhelming lock to take over, and now not only did they lose but Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre lost his goddamn seat. Trump’s dead-serious colonialist insistence that Canada become an America state rallied millions of Canadians around Liberal Prime Minister Mark Carney, who Canadians see as able to effectively resist Trump’s brain-dead bullshit. Good for them. We need all the good news we can get.
More on Trump. Let’s just get this motherfucker and his greasy little corrupt underlings out of the way. He said he’s bringing back Columbus Day, whatever that means. It’s no surprise since Columbus was an evil racist failure, and Trump loves nothing more than being evil and being racist.
Trump told The Atlantic that he runs the world, which is interesting since his domestic support has collapsed to record lows and his litany of fuckups has America on the edge of recession and empty ports that mean empty store shelves. His promise to end the Ukraine war failed. His Pentagon chief is a vain inept wino, and his national security advisor is being ousted for gross incompetence. Remember, Trump hires only the best people.
Our senile obese fascist president also said that kids will have to make do with fewer Christmas presents because of his “beautiful” nineteenth century tariffs. That’s certainly a winning message. He got angry over a report that Amazon might include the tariff costs in pricing information, which is weird to be mad about if tariffs are harmless for American consumers, no? Fucking dipshit.
CBS plans to cave to Trump’s completely invalid and utterly beatable lawsuit over a “60 Minutes” episode from last year. Why? CBS oligarch Shari Redstone wants Trump to approve her deal to sell Paramount that will further enrich her. I hope she burns in hell, along with all the empty suits pushing a settlement. These monsters will embolden Trump to further destroy democracy and rule of law so they can get richer.
George Santos is going to prison for a long time and is begging Trump for help. El-oh-el.
Dead-eyed, soulless Marco Rubio, who would let Trump fuck his wife live on national television to advance his political ambitions, the other day made sure to remind everyone that he’s a genuine piece of shit when it comes to refugees: “We are actively searching for other countries to take people from third countries. Not just El Salvador. We are working with other countries to say, ‘We want to send some of the most despicable to your countries. Will you do that as a favor to us?’ And the further from the US the better.” The counties in which they want to disappear people are Libya and Rwanda. Keep in mind, the Trump regime has zero proof many of the people they put in concentration camps and gulags are guilty of anything, and in defiance of the Constitution they’re not given due process. The ultimate goal here is to discourage any brown-skinned people from coming to the United States, legally or not. This plays to the insanely racist MAGA base.
It’s no surprise that the Trump-adjacent New England Patriots may be lending a team jet to the feds to deport people. They deny it, but does anyone linked to MAGA deserve anything but skepticism and scorn at this point?
MAGA and its ruling class enablers emerged from a gene puddle, not a gene pool. These people truly suck shit, and humanity will be better off when they’re gone. Turbulent priest, etc.
And the resistance? We’ve got Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer sending Trump “a very strong letter just the other day, asking eight very strong questions” about the regime cutting Harvard’s funding. Useless. Schumer and his ilk are nothing more than the Maginot Line V. 2.0 but it’s just a single orange traffic cone with an unhappy face painted on it. It’s going to take the American people rising up in mass protest and strikes, and potentially violence, to change our disastrous course. I take solace that there are a few leaders on the Left saying what needs to be said, like refreshingly blunt Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker and AOC. It’s hard to have hope, but we must. And never forget, fascists and totalitarians usually end up overthrown and dead.
Some good news: The late Warren Zevon is finally in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The hall may suck, but he deserves the honor. My fav Zevon tunes:
You’re a Whole Different Person When You’re Scared (co-written with Hunter S. Thompson)
And lastly, one of the best sad songs I’ve ever heard, which Zevon wrote and recorded before he died of lung cancer in 2003: “Keep Me In Your Heart.”
David Letterman was famously a big Zevon fan and in 2002 devoted an entire “Late Show” episode to him talking and singing in what would be his final public performance. Letterman asked him what it was like to live and work with a terminal diagnosis, and Zevon responded with a line that’s taken a life of it’s own: “You’re reminded to enjoy every sandwich.”
I have a sticker over my computer with Zevon’s face and the line “Enjoy every sandwich.” Because that may be the best advice I’ve ever heard, and hits more deeply as I get further into middle age and enter the era of life when things like cancer and death become more real.
Zevon was 56 when he died.
Wrexham, the Welsh soccer club brought to international attention thanks to actors Rob McElhenney and Ryan Reynolds buying the team and making a docuseries about it, last week earned promotion for the third consecutive year in the British soccer system. Next season, the Red Dragons will play in the Championship, which is one level below the top-flight Premier League. This is akin to a Frontier League baseball club moving up to Triple-A in three seasons. Just incredible stuff. My family comes from Wales, so this is especially cool for me. If Wrexham eventually make it to the Premier League, expect me to be completely insufferable about it. And I’m not even really a soccer fan!
Season 2 of “Andor” is so fucking good. If you’ve not watched it, do so. Now. And I love that Disney+ is releasing three episodes at a time over four weeks. I’d rate the full series, so far, behind only “The Empire Strikes Back” and “Rogue One” in Star Wars quality.
I’m on a “The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension” kick. This cult classic debuted in 1984 and flopped at the box office because no one knew how to market it. There’s nothing else like it, and I love it. As a kid, I had zero interest in seeing it. It wasn’t Star Wars. And it’s not really a kid film. It grew to develop a loyal following, and what I love about the movie is that it just doesn’t give a fuck. You’re dropped into a fully realized world with little briefing or expectation that you know what’s going on. It’s a bit gonzo. The film is campy without being intentionally bad camp. It’s not sloppy but not slick. It just … is. It’s fun, funny, and memorable. The special effects are a bit goofy, and the cast is fantastic (John Lithgow, Jeff Goldblum, Ellen Barkin, Christopher Lloyd). The titular hero is a neurosurgeon, scientist, rock band leader, and test pilot played by Peter Weller, who’d go on to star in “RoboCop” three years later. His character is also supposed to be Japanese-American? What a glorious mess.
Sometimes I just turn this movie on for background noise. It makes me feel better. That such a film exists in our current era of profound, ugly stupidity and cruelty is meaningful.
“Hey, hey, hey, hey-now. Don’t be mean; we don’t have to be mean, cuz, remember, no matter where you go, there you are.” — Buckaroo Banzai
That’s it for today.
-30-
Unpaid Bills 
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